Most people ask how we do it. How we seem to stay so strong in times like these. How we cope with the turbulence we’re thrown into when we least expect it. How we don’t just want to break down and cry all the time.
People say we are brave. We’re not brave.
We’re a little optimistic family hoping for the best, wanting to make the most of the time we have on this planet, together. We’ve learnt the value of life.
Dean and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 20. We’ve been together ever since. He’s thirty this year, and we’re stronger than we’ve ever been. One baby, two houses, and three rings later (yep, I’m a lucky girl) – we are exactly where we want to be.
Yes we have tough days. We have long nights. We have times where we just don’t understand why something’s happened. But we know those days and nights pass, replaced by days which will form our future memories and fill out hearts with happiness.
You see Clara has given us the perspective we needed all along. It’s not all about Farrow and Ball paint, Fired Earth tiles, and getting the perfect shot for the ‘gram. It’s about time together.
If that’s time together travelling the world, curled up around a cappuccino in a coffee shop, or in a Children’s Hospital, it doesn’t really matter. Because what it’s all about stays the same.
Clara’s asleep right now. I’m sat on my day sofa/bed looking out of the window over the park, the houses, the skyline. I’m not looking out thinking I wish I was out there – Clara’s in here so that’s where I’m glad I am.
I was looking out the window, struck by the way the fluffy cotton candy clouds softly glowed pink, illuminated by the bright blue sky slowly spreading as the night fades. It looks pretty, serene, and fresh. Its a wonderful start to a new day. I just had to write my thoughts down. I feel lucky today.
Clara had a blood transfusion at 2 o clock in the morning. Clara whimpered, her usual grumble when she was being disturbed, so I woke and saw a doctor stood over her cot. The doctor said Clara’s hemoglobin levels were too low, they were giving her a transfusion. She’s had to give a lot of blood up for samples, she’s had three operations in five weeks, she has low iron levels and she was born premature. All of these things have likely contributed to her low blood count.
At first I was worried, a blood transfusion in the middle of the night sounded serious. But then I thought, why worry? If it’s what she needs then let’s crack on with it. If it’ll help her get better then what are we waiting for? Then I felt lucky. Lucky that people donate their blood of their own free will. Lucky that we have a health service that operates 24/7 with some of the best experts in the world on hand. We are very lucky indeed.
There might be storm clouds to come – but we can’t see those. So let’s not worry about them for now. Let’s enjoy every moment together.